Sarcasm
Love Sucks & Then You Fry š„
Pain began each day for himā physical agony undreamed of by mere mortals. It was always the same. š„± First, straight out of his snake-ridden dung heap bed, he was flayed alive, his flesh peeled off his hideous body by a series of ingenious rollers and razors. Every inch of his epidermis was meticulously sliced away, unveiling a few billion live nerves. Apish-monsters-with-praying-mantis-heads then pushed, prodded, and poked him, rolling his skinless body in a great dune of salt. When he was pulled screaming from the sodium, he was ran under a lava shower, then entrapped in an absolute zero frost. Chipping him out of the ice block, the monsters also inflicted 666 new stab wounds before he was finally released for duty in Satan's service.
By Lightning Bolt ā”5 months ago in Humor
The Secret Life of Everyday Gremlins: A Field Guide for the Doomed
Introduction: Welcome to the Chaos For centuries, humanity has blamed bad luck, clumsiness, or ājust one of those daysā for lifeās minor disasters. Lost socks. Dropped calls. Popcorn that smells like a Viking funeral. But the truth is far stranger, and far more sinister: Gremlins.
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
My Epic Fail at Yoga Class
Introduction: The Myth of My Flexibility I had always believed yoga was simple. Peaceful breathing, soft music, a few stretches ā how hard could it be? Friends swore it changed their lives, improved their posture, and helped them āfind inner balance.ā I wanted all that. What I didnāt expect was to find myself becoming the accidental comedy act of the entire class.
By Nadeem Shah 5 months ago in Humor
How I Accidentally Became the Office Meme
Introduction: The Day My Dignity Took a Coffee Break They say every office has āthat personā ā the one who becomes the story everyone retells at lunch. I never thought Iād be that person. I liked blending in, keeping my head down, and letting others be the subject of harmless gossip. But fate had other plans, and it all began with a single, innocent cup of coffeeā¦
By Nadeem Shah 5 months ago in Humor
The Dangerous Myth of The Morning Person
Iām up before dawn most days. I donāt know if itās because of the job - rural mail carrier - or the autism, the ADHD, or some rogue hormonal imbalance acting like a busted rooster. I don't even need my alarm anymore really.
By Danielle Katsouros5 months ago in Humor
How to Survive a Family Road Trip Without Turning Into a Cryptid
There comes a point in every personās life, when they must embark on the most dangerous, character-defining journey of all... the family road trip! Forget Everest... Forget the moon landing... A road trip with your relatives is where legends are made and human beings mutate into mysterious highway creatures, sustained entirely on Fun-yuns and spite.
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
White House Doctor's Confirm Donald Trump Dying of Evil
White House Doctors confirmed today what many have long suspected, President of the United States Donald Trump is dying of evil. The disease is terminal, and there are no treatments and no cure. At a press conference surrounded by global media, white house chief medical officer Dr. Timothy Stephens, read a prepared statement saying. āIt is with great sadness that we are prepared to announce today we have finally converged on a diagnosis for the mysterious illness that has plagued President Trump for much of his life, but recently turned much more serious. We had initially suspected frontotemporal dementia as the most likely cause based on his symptology which appeared to align closely with the seven stages of that disease. As a reminder that disease begins with mild cognitive changes followed by changes in behavior and difficulty with language. At that point the patient begins to see a greater impact on quality of life and personality changes. In the final stages we see significant memory loss followed by severe cognitive decline. President Trumpās early symptoms such as chronic incontinence requiring him to wear a urinary catheter and urine collecting bag running down the side of his leg at all times while in public, along with his strangely stilted manner of standing and walking, and ever more frequent non sensical incoherent ramblings all supported the hypothesis of frontotemporal dementia as the disease from which he has suffered for so long now.
By Everyday Junglist5 months ago in Humor
