When You Can’t Find The Sunshine, Be The Sunshine

When you begin your healing journey, it's never easy. I've been working on mine since March 8th, 2022, the day I escaped domestic violence. Although it's hard to stay on the healing path sometimes, it's all worth it and was supposed to happen. I have learned new things about myself that I love while also having to face things about myself that made me uncomfortable at first. Some of the past things I did, I started to see how they were not actually good or ok. You start to observe things from a different perspective and learn to respond instead of react. The pain you experience forces you to grow in ways comfort never could. You begin to see things that were right in front of your eyes the whole time, both good and bad.

Small Changes You Can Make For Personal Growth

• Keep your mindset positive
• Accept when you need to change
• Expand your education
• Pay attention to what goes into your body
• Create an exercise program
• Focus on your favorite people
• Do what you actually love
• Live in the present moment
• If it’s not good for you, don’t do it
• Evaluate how you spend your time

How you think and feel creates your reality

Keep your mindset positive. It’s crucial in healing, but it's harder said than done. Negative thoughts can be addictive. People often say, “Just stay positive.” However, most people just take it as a kind gesture when they are struggling, but don’t hear it as real advice. Since I’ve been healing, I have learned that positivity is key. Just to be clear, you do need to process your negative emotions as well. It doesn’t mean that every day you'll feel 100% or that you won’t have the occasional bad day, but your mindset can improve your life so much. Think about what you do when you wake up in the morning. Do you start panicking about everything going on in your life, or do you take your time enjoying your morning coffee? Do you wake up 30 minutes before you have to leave, or are you up a few hours early to ease into your day? How do you approach a new challenge? Do you say “I can’t” or do you say “ I can do anything”? Small changes in your outlook make a huge difference. Fake it till you make it. You can control your thoughts, as hard as it is, when you notice yourself starting to spiral, shift your attention to something positive. Find something productive you can do with the energy you have. Emotions are your energy in motion. What you put your energy into creates how your reality is.

Face your shadow, do the work

Accept when you need to change. For me, as many of you know, I quit drinking. I knew I needed to quit and should have quit sooner. On January 18th, 2024, I finally did it. It’s been two years, and in that time it has focused me to confront the fact that I actually had a serious problem. Each person has different shadow work to do. Trust your gut. Is there something you know you need to change? If so, do it. Do you find yourself repeating the same situations, like similar dead-end jobs, only to feel stuck in life? It's a sign you need to change paths. Look at the patterns in your life and see if there is something that’s a common theme in your challenges. Sometimes it’s hard to admit or even see that you need to make improvements.

Grow your mind

Expand your education. Knowledge is power. It’s important to keep yourself educated to stay ahead in life and avoid being manipulated. It could be anything from taking classes online or at an on-site campus to researching any topic of your choice. How much of your time do you spend watching TV? Try replacing some of that time with reading books on subjects that interest you. Although I still occasionally watch TV, I read 1-2 books a week, which is an easy goal. Is there something you always wanted to learn? Why not give it a shot? Invest in your mind and soul. Taking up a new form of art, for me, I learned to draw. If you stay where you are, life becomes stagnant, and you don’t move forward. Learning new things opens your mind to help you create a new, brighter future.

You are what you consume

Pay attention to what goes into your body. I drank for many years, which was poisoning my body. I barely ate actual food because I was full from beer. After I quit drinking, I began to start cutting out other unhealthy things like energy drinks and fast food. Fast food was a major one for me, as there were times I ate it multiple times a day. McDonald’s in particular was one I ate at a lot, and now if I eat there, I feel sick and gross. Trying to replace soda with water. Besides water, I mainly drink coffee, which I’m currently working on cutting back. You can, of course, enjoy unhealthy stuff from time to time, but remember moderation is key. Once you start seeing food as fuel for your body, it becomes easier to prioritize healthy eating.

Stay fit and in shape

Create an exercise program. Before I started working out, I had let my body get so out of shape. From years of drinking, I had a massive beer belly. On top of other unhealthy eating habits, I was not healthy. Once I began to work out and started seeing results, it became easier to start incorporating healthy habits into my life. The key is you have to stick with it. You have to spend the time at the gym, going out running, lifting weight and any other form of workout you choose. You have to make a daily habit to be dedicated to your fitness and health. Unfortunately, you can’t just eat what you want that is unhealthy and expect to have good results. Eating healthy plays a huge part in staying fit and in shape. Stay active and get your blood flowing daily. Start slow if you have to, go at your own pace, as long as you keep working towards your goals, you will see results. Look to others who inspire you for motivation and focus. It’s hard work, but anything worthwhile is so keep that in mind.

Look to those who inspire you

Focus on your favorite people. Surround yourself with people who have a positive effect on you. Be selective of who you let into your life. Trust your gut on how certain people make you feel. If you’re left mentally drained after interactions with someone, that's a sign that something is off. Interacted with people who make you feel happy, full of love, and gratitude. Look to the people who push you to grow positively. Follow people on social media who inspire you to do better. Avoid watching negative TV programs, like reality shows or true crime. Consume positive media as much as possible. Look to your favorite positive person for guidance. Your vibe attracts your tribe. Put good energy out there, and it will come back to you.

Seek out the life you truly want

Do what you actually love. Opportunities are out there, and you have to take them when giving. If there is something you want badly enough, you will find a way to make it happen. However, to make anything worthwhile happen, you have to do the hard work that comes along with it, to make those opportunities open up to you. I can now write full-time and have the freedom to work at my own pace. Most importantly, no one is in charge of me; I work for myself. That’s always been my goal to be a writer. Right now I'm working on my first book. After years of Budtending, my financial situation changed for the positive, and I was finally able to start pursuing my career as a writer. Once I became financially healthy i focused on writing and promoting domestic violence awareness. An important cause to me as a side project, but my true calling is writing. I spent many years thinking about being a writer while not actually putting in the work. Once I was able to focus my time and energy on writing, it became easier to do like anything else. I will stress that this may not apply to everyone, but if you are giving anyway to work on your dreams and goals, take the risk to do what makes your soul happy. Be smart, and make sure you're covered while pursuing your best life.

Heaven and Hell are states of mind

Live in the present moment. Stress, anxiety, and fear are hard to contain. I’ll be the first to admit I struggle with all three. Always remember that you are in control of your thoughts. When I say that Heaven and Hell are a state of mind, what I mean is you can choose what you focus your energy on. I am both spiritual and religious. I believe in God and Jesus and the places of Heaven and Hell. What I’m saying here is that if you continually put your energy toward fear, hate, and stressful situations, you will feel negative. If you choose to place your focus and time toward positive things, you will start to feel the positive energy. Of course, everyone has to process things, and you have to avoid toxic positivity. Once you process your feelings, you can make the decision not to dwell on the past and use your energy to create a happy life. You can choose what you put your attention on.

Do what you know is right.

If it’s not good for you, don’t do it. Common sense, yes, however, look how often we choose what is not good for us. I drank for many years, even though I knew how bad it was; of course, I was also in denial and believed the bad side effects wouldn’t happen to me. It was because I didn’t get the normal hangovers, and I was a very high-functioning alcoholic; most people couldn’t tell I was always drunk. Once I stopped drinking, I realized how much it had truly affected me. I made the effort to change and work on myself, and it has paid off. Look at your life and see what is benefiting you versus what is holding you back. If you are aware that you are doing unhealthy things, then you can make the choice to go for the healthy option. If your gut tells you that something is not good, listen. You have the power to do what is good for you; it’s up to you if you do it or not.

Look at how you spend your day

Evaluate how you spend your time. Everyone’s priorities are different; what matters most to one person could mean nothing to someone else. Focus on doing things that make you feel good and happy. With your time, think of what you could be doing throughout the day to reach your goals. Do you make it a point to read something educational once a day, or do you spend hours watching TV? Do you take time to work on yourself? It only takes 15-20 minutes a day to get a good workout in and get your blood flowing. Think about that, only 20 minutes to make a positive change. You can take 30 minutes a day to read a book. Your time is currency; use it wisely. If you see something that needs to be done, do it right away so you don’t have to worry about it later. Take time to engage in stress-free activities, like meditation or going for a walk in nature. As you keep focused on your goals, you will see how important your time and energy are. Only give it to good things and good people.

It won’t happen until you dedicate yourself

You have to do the work in healing; there is no other way. I remember at first hearing some of the same advice I’m giving now. I wasn’t ready to hear it because deep down, I wasn’t ready to do the work. Inside, I felt that since it wasn’t my fault what happened, I shouldn’t have to do all this extra stuff. However, after not getting anywhere, I slowly started to make the positive changes I needed to make. After you make one change, it’s easy to add others. As I keep repeating, the key is hard work and dedication. You are in control of your life, and you have to be the one to make your goals and dreams come true.