Harder than Cigarettes

I’d willingly quit before.

It wasn’t that hard,

Really.

Cut myself off,

Pull myself back,

Away from addiction,

Little by little.

I can visualize myself without it.

Without the churning,

Need.

Pushing myself off,

Wrenching myself back,

From costly decisions,

I didn’t understand.

Searching for that deep breath,

Feeding the habit,

Release.

Breaking myself off,

Sewing myself back,

The corruptions churning,

Within my blood.

I have rapids in my bloodstream,

This hatred for standing still,

Racing.

Brushing myself off,

Steeling myself back,

No losing it,

Not for long.

The peace would leave me,

As silent as it came,

Sweating.

Tearing myself off,

Stitching myself back,

Almost the same,

But not quite.

It hadn’t come alone,

On soft hands,

Peace.

Letting myself off,

Seeing myself back,

Quiet always came,

With her face.

Don’t think that it can stay,

Won’t last forever,

Sleeping.

Tell myself off,

Curse myself back,

Quitting her love,

Hardest of all.