He Knows If You've Been Good Or Bad

His face changes, just slightly

as you crawl onto his lap

Tell me, "have you been naughty"

as he begins to laugh

And you smile up and lie

"no Santa, I have been good"

But, by the look in his eyes

you know, your goose has been cooked

Because he knows you've been rotten

all the way to the core

But you were sure he'd forget, and

so you try it once more

"In fact, sir, I've been SO nice

my mama here, will confirm it

But now, she is nowhere in sight

you double down, to confirm it

His grip begins to grow tighter

as you try to wriggle away

He takes his cigarette lighter

lights up and says, "childsplay"

The elves come to collect you

and Santa says, "I'm taking a break"

The children waiting, look blue

"Don't fret, I'll be back in a shake"

But he doesn't return

he's got what he came for

"You've got a lesson to learn"

and drops you through a trapdoor

And the fall feels like forever

as you scream and you yell

You thought you were clever

as you wake up in hell

Where there are thousands just like you

their tongues piled in a heap

And their thumbs are like screws

but they don't make a peep

They are busy making presents

for the good girls and boys

A strange kind of penance

as new elfs, Santa employs

But, he HAS tried to warn you

we've all heard the song

You'd better be good too

cause, he'll be back before long