Noticed, Cared
The natural creative and honest evolution of my poem No One.
I should have noticed, should have cared
Every day
as she struggled
to keep it together
-
When problems arose
She, handled me
*
I should have noticed,
Should have cared
As pressures
Got to her
She never gave up
-
Nursing wounds
Mental and physical
*
I should have noticed,
Should
Have
cared
Her silent tears
unheard complaints
Her head stayed down, ashamed
-
Each step forward she took
Life kicked her back
*
I should have noticed,
...
should
have cared
Every time
Something went wrong
She put on her brave face
-
The hurt she held deep
Wages of my addiction, errors and sins
*
I should have noticed, should have cared
Hurt she tried
So hard to push aside
Fighting each day and night
-
Kept going, despite it all
Struggling, but surviving
*
I should have noticed,
I
more than anyone
Should have cared
-
I
I wish I had
I wish it
Never took
So many years
So many misfires
So many empty promises
Lie after lie
Mistake after mistake
Again and again
Again and again
Until
We all despised me
Before I started
To notice
To care
*
Thanks for reading!
A little context...I posted a poem yesterday that I was enormously proud of, called No one. With it, I gave the context and background of its progression from being a microfiction piece for the Microfiction Magic Challenge about a homeless person into something more.
Further to that, though, something's been irking me about this piece.
I am immensely proud of that piece and stand by it, I am glad people felt it was thought-provoking etc. And was also pleased that people enjoyed the insight and background information to it all.
However, just as it progressed from being a microfiction about a homeless person to being something deeper and more impacting, it still needed to go through one more progression to be a more honest assessment of what I wanted to express.
I have always tried to be honest in my writing. While I may not bare out all my flaws clearly and fully in a direct way (that can be scary, right?), I've never shied away from being honest about the fact that I am a work in progress that is trying so very hard to change from the way I've been in the past.
That is why I had to write a new take on that original piece.
If you have the time and inclination, here are a couple of other pieces, you may enjoy:
You can also take a look at the rest of my work here.
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Award-Winning Writer, Poet, Scottish-Italian, Subversive.
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection out now!
Streams and Scratches in My Mind coming soon!
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Comments (12)
Paul, sometimes the best thing about a poem/ story or piece of work is that you get to watch it evolve and become more than you anticipated! I love that were able to push this one to the next level and I love the notes at the end! This was even more emotional this time around and I love the direction you took this poem! Well done Paul! 😊
I shed a tear! I relate to this poem very much. Bravo. ❤️
The best way for growth is to be honest with ourselves. However, facing our own flaws and shortcomings is painfully difficult. Thanks for sharing this incredibly moving poem.
In pondering you care. You got me thinking hard and critically, well done Paul!
I've noticed all too frequently how boorish I can be, whether it's directly, indirectly or merely by inference of speech &/or behavior (or neglect). I wonder how frequently I have not noticed & continued blissfully unaware of the harm I have inflicted.
Honesty is what I love the most about your writing! I'm so happy you wrote this sort of follow up for your poem No One. I love both so much!
Thank you for this incredibly raw and honest piece. 💗
Paul, we all have regrets and make mistakes, but your personal accountability is what sets you apart. Because many people will tell themselves a story in their heads that makes them the victim, or justifies their actions, or gets them off the hook for the things they’ve done. It’s a coping mechanism. And sometimes it’s necessary to move forward… but at some point, we need to look back at what we’ve done wrong, or our missed opportunities to do something right. And we need to gain wisdom from it so that we can actually change our negative patterns. Then, we can forgive ourselves, and stop hurting others because of our need to be “right.” I am really glad you posted both poems! You’re one of the reasons why I still read stories on Vocal, even if I’m taking a break from writing for here.
Appreciate your unflinching honesty. Your story arc of transformation filled with both regret and resolve lays a poignant, powerful challenge on the reader.
Thank you for sharing your truth. We all just keep moving forward with our lessons learned. We are all works in progress. 💖
We need to be more aware...thank you for a great reminder
Very good. Honest.