Dating Someone With Depression & Anxiety Disorders

Has someone you are dating recently came out to you and said they suffer from a mental illness like: depression or bi-polar disorder and anxiety? Well, you are very luck first of all. Many people with these illnesses usually hide themselves and keep things very inward. They often wear masks out in public to cover the truth of who they are. But, once in a blue moon a person will be bold enough to trust someone to the point of being comfortable enough to remove the mask and unveil their truth.

If you are one of those lucky ones or even if you suspect that the person you are dating is suffering, here are some tips to help with your on going understanding of them, their emotions, and their needs:

1. Reassure them constantly. Sometimes it can get annoying but, this is how you keep their trust. This will help them stay open with you and not feel as though they must shutdown because of being unsure of who you are and how you feel about them. Make sure they understand you notice them, what they do, and how they feel. Constant reassurance is something we all want from those we care about but, a person suffering from a mental illness needs it to stay mentally balanced.

2. Keep them in the loop of your life. Yes, an individual’s life can be and is personal but, if you are dating some transparency is a good thing. You don’t have to let them know every step of your day but, important events, plans, and changes are good to share. Especially if it concerns them, it’s good not to hold out. Surprises can also be a little off putting at times, so it can be hard but keep them informed. It also helps them know that they are important to you if you can take a little time out your day to keep them up to date with your life and what’s going on in it. Remember, they are a part of it too.

3. Give them check in texts or calls. It’s good to let them know you are ok then that makes them feel at ease. Let them know you’ve made it to your destination. Check in to say “your on your way” or “you will be this much longer”. It helps to ease the anxiety that could arise from not know what’s going on. Mystery is not a good friend to a person with anxiety especially. Knowing is the only thing that will calm that feeling of anxiety.

4. Giving hugs as much as possible is important. It is a scientific fact that human contact starts a positive physical reaction that releases certain hormones that help those going through anxious times calm down. If you know they feel stressed or not at ease just give a hug or loving touch and majority of the time it helps calm those feelings of in easiness.

5. Figure out what some of their triggers are. Identify them and acknowledge them. Knowing what can set a person off or make a person’s mood change can be very helpful in keeping them balanced. This is a difficult one, but an extremely important one if you are serious about their feelings and well-being. A basic trigger can be anything from a smell, sound, object, or even bringing up a past memory. Other triggers can be more complex and need very close attention to identify. All triggers can be noticed over time.

6. As I brought up briefly before, no surprises unless you know it will make them happy. A surprise in their day will definitely bring on anxiety and could throw their entire day off. You must be 100% sure the surprise you have planned will be understood and excepted. Plan your surprises very carefully. It is good to get to know the person more first and their triggers before going this length to show you care. There are many other ways to show your feelings without setting off a surprise anxiety attack.

7. Change can be hard on someone with depression and anxiety. It can make thoughts and actions spiral out of control. Try to minimalize extreme changes by using baby steps to lead them into the change. Keeping them informed about changes coming can be hard because life can change at the drop of a hat. But, remember, you are a huge part of their life so try hard to know when a change might bring negative affects to the way they might feel or be feeling.

8. Last but not least, just be there! The major part of these two illnesses is lack of a solid support system. Lack of being able to trust and lack of understanding why. Be transparent with how you feel, your life, and the changes in it. Show them you can manage dealing with their imbalances and you want to be there to not just help but to care. Having a support system is important in everyone’s life, but when you suffer from depression and anxiety it becomes something that person completely depends on. Show them you can be that support that will not step away when things get heavy. Show them you are serious about how you feel and will do almost anything needed to make sure they are ok.

Dating a person with depression and anxiety is a serious thing and should not be taken lightly. Living with any type of mental illness is not just hard on the individual. It is hard on those close to that individual, their friends and family. No one should hide who they are regardless if there is complete understanding or not. A person should always be ready for anything if they truly care for who they are dating. To be with someone is to be with the whole person, not just pieces. So, start with understanding the illness(es), then get to understanding the person suffering from them.