The Pompous Post
Bio
Welcome to The Pompous Post.... We specialize in weaponized wit, tactful tastelessness, and unapologetic satire! Think of us as a rogue media outlet powered by caffeine, absurdism, and the relentless pursuit to make sense from nonsense.
Stories (58)
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The Illusion of Control (Now With 87% More Button-Pushing)
There’s a primal thrill in pressing a button. That tiny click feels like a handshake with destiny. A promise that the universe will move at your command. You jab that elevator “close door” button like you’re launching Apollo 13. You stab at the crosswalk “walk” button like Moses parting traffic. And for a glorious half-second, you believe you’ve changed something.... Spoiler Alert: you haven’t.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
OBITUARY: The Last Person on Earth Who Knew How to Program a VCR Has Passed, Taking the Secret of Blinking 12:00 With Them
It is with heavy hearts and perpetually blinking appliances that we announce the passing of Gerald “Gerry” Thompson, age 86; the last known human capable of programming a VCR. With him goes the final ember of an ancient and mysterious craft, one that future civilizations will one day misinterpret as sorcery.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
BREAKING: Local Man Successfully Parallel Parks on First Try, Immediately Vaporizes in Blaze of Glory
The Event That Shook Humanity It began like any other Thursday morning. The sun rose, coffee brewed, and traffic clotted itself into the arteries of the city. Yet on a quiet downtown street, history unfolded in a way no one could have anticipated.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
HISTORICAL DEEP DIVE: Archaeologists Conclude the Ancient Civilization That Built Stonehenge Was Just Very Bad at Jenga
For centuries, scholars, mystics, and travel bloggers have debated the origins of Stonehenge. Was it a calendar? A sacred site? A giant rock-based IKEA project missing half the instructions?
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
How to Achieve Inner Peace by Ignoring All Your Problems (and Maybe Faking Your Own Death)
Are you tired of stress? Exhausted by the relentless grind of responsibility, bills, and that one coworker who insists on “circle-back” meetings about nothing? You’re not alone... Millions of people struggle daily with the crushing weight of reality.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
TECH REVIEW: The Check Engine Light Does Not Mean Your Engine is “On”
At The Pompous Post™, we pride ourselves on keeping our readers informed about the latest technological breakthroughs. Last month we reviewed the cutting-edge “Toaster 2.0,” which can not only toast bread but also your hopes and dreams. This week, we turn our gaze to a truly revolutionary innovation: the Check Engine Light.
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
The Secret Lives of Garden Gnomes: What They’re Really Doing When You’re Asleep
For centuries, mankind has slept soundly under the false assumption that their gardens are tranquil places. Quiet sanctuaries of flora, chirping crickets, and maybe a bunny or two, nibbling on carrots. But recent evidence uncovered by The Pompous Post™ investigative team (me, one pair of binoculars, and a suspiciously long summer evening) has revealed the shocking truth: your garden gnomes aren’t innocent ceramic ornaments.
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
BREAKING: Nation’s Grandmas Unite, Declare War on “Unsatisfyingly Thin” Restaurant Napkins
A Crisis at the Dinner Table For decades, Americans have tolerated flimsy restaurant napkins that disintegrate at the first sight of soup, shred beneath the weight of barbecue sauce, and provide less absorbency than a damp Kleenex. But no more.
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
EXCLUSIVE: Local Man’s Wi-Fi Network “FBI Surveillance Van #4” Finally Gets a Knock on the Door From the Actual FBI
For seven years, residents of a quiet cul-de-sac in Des Moines lived in the shadow of a running gag. It wasn’t a neighborhood watch, or a barking dog, or even the HOA’s obsession with measuring lawn length to the millimeter. No, the source of both pride and suspicion was a Wi-Fi network named “FBI Surveillance Van #4.”
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
The Secret Life of Everyday Gremlins: A Field Guide for the Doomed
Introduction: Welcome to the Chaos For centuries, humanity has blamed bad luck, clumsiness, or “just one of those days” for life’s minor disasters. Lost socks. Dropped calls. Popcorn that smells like a Viking funeral. But the truth is far stranger, and far more sinister: Gremlins.
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
How to Survive a Family Road Trip Without Turning Into a Cryptid
There comes a point in every person’s life, when they must embark on the most dangerous, character-defining journey of all... the family road trip! Forget Everest... Forget the moon landing... A road trip with your relatives is where legends are made and human beings mutate into mysterious highway creatures, sustained entirely on Fun-yuns and spite.
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
