A Brazilian Living In California

I moved to California in 1994.

I came to USA to spend only 2 years and here I am... still here 28 years later. As a native of Rio de Janeiro (Brasil) it was a very difficult decision to make since my family was very close and we spent a lot of time together. However I married an American a couple of years before the big move and he had to come to USA for work. The plan was to spent 2 years here and move back to Brasil, however his work transfer back to my birth country never happened.

When I arrived at LAX airport I had 7 suitcases a 5 months old baby and a 6 years old child. My family was devastated as they would miss us all so very much. But I had to support my husband. It was very hard also for my 6 years old daughter since she had to leave most of her toys behind. But more importantly we had to rehome our beloved beagle, Mamão (Papaya in Portuguese).

Although I was in advanced English class in my university in Brasil and also had private English classes twice a week, communicating in English was a bit of challenge when I got here. I leaned a lot from the show I Love Lucy and also from the news.

We had a driver in Rio as well as 2 full time maids. I never had to drive in my hometown, nor cook, nor clean a house. In the beginning it was quite challenging to manage it all but what was more difficult was to be away from my family. We used to have family dinners every Sunday. We visited each other almost daily. I left behind my mother, my grandmother and grandfather, my sister, my brother, aunts, cousins, nieces and nephews and dear friends.

The first two years I refused to drive. I walked my daughter to school pushing my baby on the stroller, did my grocery shopping and everything else by foot. Eventually I got my driver's license and I wondered how I spent all the time without driving a car.

Eventually I started to make friends and getting in use with the American lifestyle, language and culture. My grandmother came from Brasil and spent 6 months with me and she taught me how to cook. I visited Brasil every year and family and friends would come to visit us as well. Still it was very hard. I started loosing family members due to age and that was brutal. Within a few years I had my third child. It was very difficult to give birth to a baby while away from my loved ones. With time my older daughter decided to move to Brasil (she was 26 at that time) and eventually got married there. It's so hard to be away from her and I cannot imagine once she has children how hard it will be for me to be far away from my grand-children. However I have my son here (19) and my middle daughter (27) which I believe they have no intentions to move to Brasil. I also have family (from my husband's side) and dear friends here in USA hence I will forever be torn apart between my loved ones there and my loved ones here. I wonder how many people made a decision to move to another country and live with this same type of difficulty as I do. If I knew I was going through this would I had done this move? But if I haven't done it how would I know? How would I had met the wonderful people I know now here?

That's a real cognitive dissonance. Having a heart in two separate countries.