Religious Affiliations

The air was so warm I could feel my pores consuming the warmth and sweat began to pour out like mist. “It’s so hot” said my little nephew as I was playing with him. I decided to roll down the window for us. As I took a look around to see how the other people around me were taking in the heat. A lady with bright brown eyes approaches the car as we are sitting in the steamy parking lot.

“Can I pray for you?” she said. As if she knew I was starting my journey to faith in God. That’s the thing about religious people, they somehow know who to talk too about faith. I wasn’t sure what religion she was affiliated with until she took out her phone before I could respond. She opened an app that labeled JW. Instantly reading from the apps book she pointed to a Psalms. I realized she was one of those Jehovah Witness people that roam the streets in my neighborhood.

She asked me if I believed and I said yes. She asked if she could exchange numbers so she can continue to pray for me. She seemed like a nice enough lady and I don’t hear anything bad come out of their religion other than it to be rumored a cult. The women and men around the neighborhood always greet me with a smile. So, I decided to give her a listen. At this time in my life, I was lost.

Days go by, and I get a text message from Jenna, the Jehovah Witness lady. She asks if I wanted to study the Bible with her. She likes to show it to people. So, I agreed to it.

Weeks go by and every session seems interesting with Jenna, and then my thoughts kick in and I decide to ask question that may or may not make sense. Being that I'm a skeptical believer, I ask her "What if this book was actually inspired by Satan?" I asked. She looks at me with disbelief, "I'm not sure how that could be" she says patiently.

With honesty, I tell her I'm just not a big believer since it says that Satan is of this world. What if it is true? She isn't sure how to respond. "Perhaps, it's the psychosis talking" I said, as I began to feel bad.

"I just don't feel as though God speaks to me or helps me very much since I been diagnosed a harsh illness." I say to break the ice. "I understand it may feel that way for you, Cerina". "I'll pray for you" was her response.

The minute she says she'll pray for me is the moment my mind became negative. I thought to myself, Of course she will thats what they all say and nothing happens. I have to live like this the rest of my life. Again I begin to feel worse. I realize that these thoughts aren't serving me any kind of postivity. So, I decide to end the session.

After the session, I sat there and made the choice to just not believe since it only causes negativity in my mind. As much as i would like to be like most people and believe in something like Jesus, its so hard for me to think positively ever since I was a child. Why would God put someone through that kind of hell? So, for now I'll focus on trying to change my thoughts into positive ones, words of affirmation and see how that goes.

Thanks for reading, happy wishes!