Dating
Letter to my Abusive Ex
Hey. Remember me? I was the girl you said you loved more than anyone you have ever loved before. You loved me so much you drove me insane. You loved me so much you tossed me around like a rag doll, beat me, choked me and made me feel small. You made me feel invisible and like I was always the one in the wrong.
By Sandra Ivonne4 years ago in Confessions
Him
Is it possible for time to stand still all while moving fast? That is what being in his presence feels like. When in it everything goes in slow motion, but when it is over, I am like damn that was too quick. That first moment when he kissed me, I could feel myself drowning, gasping for breath, not being able to breathe but not even wanting to. His lips danced with mine as our tongues met, introducing themselves to each other, smelling how his breath felt as he exhaled slowly. When he speaks to me, I study the way his lips move, even the movement of his tongue across his lips to ensure they are moisturized drives me crazy. He drives me crazy. His touch scorches my skin, hands so soft yet firm. Sometimes he doesn't even look at me, just reaches out for whatever body part he can get his hands on. Immediately I melt, my face warms, my ears become red, my heart races as anticipation grows. Finally, he turns to look at me, reading my thoughts, watching me squirming in my own skin. His eyes say so much while his mouth stays silent. He moves near, grabs my face with those hands that burn chocolate imprints into my skin and kisses me. Why does he kiss me with his eyes open? I used to kiss with my eyes closed, not with him. I want to take in all of him, I love how he looks at me. I shy away at his stares but not wanting him to look away. These months feel like I've known him forever. He is a warm cup of cocoa on a wintery day, warming my insides as he travels through my body. His laugh is infectious, you want to laugh simply by hearing his. Our conversations give birth to new ideas and inspire change. He makes more sense than I carry in my change purse. His ambition inspires me to be ambitious. I get butterflies every time I see him, I thought that would have stopped by now, but they've only multiplied. I hear a song and think of him. We slow dance in the quiet. When he pulls me into his arms, I dissolve, then the heat starts, it starts off as a small flame in the soles of my feet building. It gradually makes it way up to my thighs, consuming my body, then the fire travels through my abdomen to the hairs on my head, before I know it, I am engulfed. However, I don't want this flame to go out, so I will continue feeding it until it spreads. This feeling, this experience has been new. I am treading in unfamiliar territory; I am swimming in the deep end without even knowing how to swim; however, I am not afraid to drown in him. He looks back, reaches his hand out for mine, and as I place mine in his I whisper, I trust you. When he looks at me I feel seen. Love is being made every time we touch, talk, kiss, laugh and share space. He has me orbiting in outer space, his love feels galactic, this feels like a gravitational bond. Scientists would call that a natural phenomenon. I call this kismet, a marriage between destiny and fate. I want him forever, I want to always catch his gaze, get goosebumps by his touch, melt at a mere kiss! I want to continue being his peace. I prayed for him even before I met him. He is a prayer answered, a dream come true.
By Portia Bonner4 years ago in Confessions
Six Years
I’d wanted to hold some sort of anniversary party for my company for the last few years. But, the year it turned five, I was deep in the mud of moving and putting together our wedding, so another big party was simply out of the question. A year later, I felt like I could manage it. Working with children, and the anniversary being in August, I wanted to do something fun, family friendly, and low budget.
By Elizabeth Hunter4 years ago in Confessions
Almost Love: Part Nine
I wake up warm, and surrounded by him. His scent is all over my sheets, on my skin, in my hair. I breathe him in whenever I can; having him here like this is still rare, though it shouldn’t be. We spend the early hours in bed, and then he leaves. It’s not enough time, and I protest, but he tells me he’s coming back this afternoon. Twice in one day, for us, is either exciting or ominous.
By Shea Keating4 years ago in Confessions
Just the beginning...
It was a hot day, like any other during a Florida summer. I was outside with my neighbor Mr. R and we were doing what we usually do. Having a good time, listening to music, watching the kids play outside with our cold drinks. . Mr. R. was an older gentlemen and he treated me like a daughter. Hell, he’s old enough to be my grandfather. I was getting over a bad breakup with someone I was in a relationship with for four years prior. So being outside the house that we shared together was a normal practice, especially during the summer. On this particular day I wasn’t looking my best, it was my off day. I had on a black bonnet, a midi dress, and some Nike slides. Me and my neighbor had just finished smoking, so I had my head down and was lost in my thoughts. My legs were open a bit, about shoulder length apart and I was staring at the ground. I thought I felt someone looking at me and boy was I right. It was someone I’ve seen before but didn’t know and didn’t even know his name.
By Shawanda Mendez4 years ago in Confessions
He Spit in my Mouth?
People always say you find the love of your life when you least expect it, and in my case this was true. After having a very serious relationship for 3+ years, I knew I wanted to be single and do all the "things' single people do. Of course I went overboard and fell for guys I shouldn't have. Only because I was craving the love I had been shown for years. After another failed "talking" stage, I gave up on the idea of dating ESPECIALLY dating apps. I deleted them all and decided to go out to bars to just have fun, not fall in love. Weeks after I decided to write off men, I found myself at my local bar with two of my friends. As the night went on, my friends slowly got too drunk and left me alone at the bar (how cliche right). As I was sitting by the bar talking with the bartender, a familiar voice asked me to take a shot with him. It was not someone I knew, but rather a man that had hit on my roommate at the beginning of the night. Not wanting to be alone I accepted. He had a thick Italian accent and thick brown hair. Immediately I knew I wanted to go home with him (no woman can resist a hot man with an accent). We went outside to smoke a cigarette as most Europeans do, and I told him he had 30 minutes to take me home or someone else would. Somehow this strategy worked and we were in an Uber soon enough. I wish I could apologize to that driver because it was as though I was in heat. We got back to his place and began what most can guess. Two things I had never experiences happened to me that night that changed my life. 1. He was uncircumcised (ladies it feels the same grow up). 2. He spit in my mouth. It was glorious sex and the best one night stand I had ever had, so I thought. All I could talk about the next day was how this European man spit in my mouth. The confidence that took and how hot it was changed my sex life for the better.
By EL4 years ago in Confessions
Trust
How could you vomit those words up like they didn’t mean anything? You fired that gun inhaling the fragments that stained your face! Trust you is what you whispered into the side of my neck. Walls melted away and I blurted out the truth! The words hung into dried out nothing! My heart hammered out of control and for a second I thought I was dying.! You were supposed to be right here by me with arms of steel. Not let me sway in one direction or the other just firm. Emptiness pitted in the bottom of my gut and I knew I trusted the souless wonder.You made me believe that you really understood, that you reflected my raw emotions. The slap in the face that fallowed your cruel intentions made my face burn hot. You threw them around like they had no real meaning. That they were empty, void of concern. Yet I took your apologies and opened my world to you again and again! Who would of known that you would shove that knife again in my open chest. I sit here literally scared like there is someone just on the other side of the door ready to ram that steel bar down my throat. The spit still on my face from you saying it’s just me, I’m just paranoid, it’s just the voices you here. Fallowed by an echo of silence and then hammering in my ears again, I swallow and try to see the shadows on the ceiling so I can see exactly where they are. Where’s there point of entry? Why don’t they just come in already, I have my trusted knife piercing the flesh on my jugular. I mean it babe please, their coming In any second. Whipping herself out of bed she leaves me exposed! Enthralled in the illumination of her light. Your dumb if you can hear them talking about you. “It’s just you just stop!” I wince my eyes together and will it not to happen. Suddenly baboom the cat falls from the dresser to the table and I swear my heart stopped then in that instance. I jump up and lock the second lock on the door and head for the window. Lifting the curtain I try to see out where they can’t see in and my concentration is broke by hallow screaming coming from your side of the room! “Shut the curtains they can see you!” Oh my God help me I can’t take this anymore I’d rather die. Crying, I retreat to my side of the bed and for the moment I hear your soul crying too. It’s screaming for me to take this abuse so you don’t have to!
By Sirena Sparks4 years ago in Confessions
A Real First Love
I think we are all under the notion that your first love is that boy you meet in high school at some point. You know the one that took you to homecoming dances and the movies. The one you snuck into your room that one time for a kiss that lasted more than one minute or dealing with the uncomfortable seats at the theater (I pre-date the loungers they have now). The one that you spend your summer after senior year with knowing that "we can do long distance" was just another way to peacefully move on without the pain of a real break-up. Puppy love that we mistaken for that first love. That boy wasn't him.
By Betty Lee4 years ago in Confessions
The Worst Pain
it all started when I received a message on plenty of fish. He seemed charming and funny. We met for our first date at his place, he lived around the corner from my place and watched a horrible horror movie called Shrooms. We went back to my place and watched King Of The Hill. That night we slept together for the first time. We continued to see each other but not too long into dating he was getting evicted out of his apartment so me being the kind hearted person that I am, offered for him to move in with me into my small bachelor apartment until he found a place. When he moved in I jumped out of the U-Haul but my foot stayed in. I went to the hospital and messed up the tendons in my foot. He was an absolute gentleman and got a hold of a wheelchair for me because I was in a cast. He would push me around. Things were going well but he wasn’t looking for a place. Shortly after I got my cast off we got into a massive fight. I followed him from the kitchen and stood at the bedroom doorframe. That’s when he attacked me for the first time. He pulled a good chunk of my hair out and repeatedly punched me in the chest. When he snapped out of it he started crying and left for his parents. I should have left him that night and kicked him out but I didn’t. I loved him. We ended up finding a bigger 2 bedroom apartment just up the street. From there things only got worse. I worked two jobs and could barely hold one down I was paying for everything and he was spending all my money on stuff for himself. I wasn’t allowed to spend my own money. He would snap and throw things, like the time he broke my favourite glass because of something I said. I had to walk on eggshells around him. He had a wandering eye, he would constantly waived between me and other women. Almost breaking up with me for them. He wasn’t all bad, when I accidentally broke my dead grandmothers ring at work, he went out and bought me a promise ring. We would go on adventures hiking and to concerts, haunted houses but the second I stepped a toe out of line I would be screamed at. He decided to we needed to take a break at one point and it broke my heart. I’m sure it was just so he could just go out and sleep with other women. It lasted about a week. One day he told me to get dressed up and that we were going out. I got into the nicest dress I had and he drove to my favourite park. Started playing my favourite song by my favourite band, got down on one knee and proposed in the rain. I said yes. I was over the moon. We started planning and had an engagement party. Not too long after that his mother who he was VERY close too was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I suggested we move up the wedding so she could be apart of it as they were predicting she wouldn’t make it to the end of the year. He accused me of being selfish when I was doing it for him knowing he would want her to be there. We ended up planning it so she could be there, got the venue, the dress everything except the license. He had a huge meltdown. Screaming and yelling at me. Saying that I pressured him into proposing which isn’t me at all. He grabbed a knife and pointed it at me. I made him go to the hospital and admitted to the psych ward. I was called in by his psychiatrist for a meeting. He never told his psychiatrist that he pulled a knife on me so it bought him a few more days in the ward. Instead of apologizing to me as we were leaving he told me thanks for the extra days. After he got out of the ward I’d say about a week he confessed something to me. That he molested his half sister when he was younger. He defended it by saying that he had failure to thrive when he was younger which isn’t an excuse. I was disgusted. We called off the wedding but we’re still engaged. A few weeks later we were sitting in the car together and I burst out into tears. He suggested that I admit myself to the psych ward. I agreed. We were outside while I was having my last smoke before going in and he told me that if him and I weren’t together him and this other girl would be. He then left me alone terrified and hurt to go pick her up. I was crying and clawing at myself for 8 hours in emergency until I got a bed in the psych ward. I cried for two days straight. I saw my psychiatrist that I now see regularly. Was given meds and was starting to see things clearly. I got a call from his sister. She told me that he told the other girl that he loved her. I was disgusted, horrified and heartbroken. I called him and ended it for good. I was in the hospital for a total of 15 days and he saw me twice. I still had to live with him afterwards until I found a place to live. As soon as I got out we got into an argument because he had a bumble date and I asked him to give me some fucking grace after everything so he kicked me out. Instead of fighting him I just left. I blocked him on everything but he still found ways to try and stalk me for well over a year afterwards. I have ptsd from this relationship and almost made the biggest mistake of my entire life. I thank god every day we didn’t get married. He never would’ve signed the divorce papers and would have continued to make my life hell. I hear he’s engaged again and I wish that women the best of luck because I’m not entirely sure she knows what she’s in for.
By Sabrina4 years ago in Confessions
Twisted Trajectory
First Cut Is The Deepest: It's not everyday that I fall in love, I was seventeen and saw his spikey hair, chubby face and dark, naughty eyes. Today wasn't any different, his Essex accent made me salavate and I was strictly in lust. I was living in the back end of a council estate in the north-west of England. In my Nana's semi-detatched, end house situated in a quaint little avenue. There tucked away in a rough part of Manchester which, compared to London, was a semi-stunted city I was so much out of my comfort zone (with dating) let alone meeting someone from the south in a chatroom!
By SOPOETIC4 years ago in Confessions
Giving you up
Just sitting here, pretending to be the main character... Oh how I wish I could be, because at the end of the movie the girl always gets the guy. But here I am sitting here, wondering what I did wrong and wishing I could fix it, wishing I could fix us. Are you happy? because I'm not... Do you miss me, the way I miss you? All these questions and no one to answer them for me. I need to give you up! I need to let you go! I can't let myself heal until I learn to let you go... until I learn that letting you go is going to be the best for me. Am I ready to let you go? Am I ready to be happy with someone else? Am I? How do I answer these questions, how do I know that by letting you go won't be my biggest mistake... How do I know? I don't think that's the problem, I don't know and I won't know until I do it.. It sucks not being able to be the main character...It sucks not being able to have your happy ending. But Life is not some chick flick or a fairytale. Heartbreaks are just part of life and I have to go with it. Hopefully we find our way back to each other and we can learn to love again and maybe next time we can grow old together and have a family.
By Makayla Williams4 years ago in Confessions
