satire
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." - George Burns
Alot happened in a month.
So…it’s been a while. A lot has happened since the last time I wrote. Starting with being in the freaking hospital for nine days with pneumonia. Let me tell you, I didn’t think I was going to make it. When I say I couldn’t breathe, it was like someone had a 100 lb weight on top of my lungs. The day I went in I got up, took a deep break, and a slow stabbing pain exuded from my chest with every breath. I checked on the internet (bad idea) to make sure it wasn’t a heart problem and of course I read that I have heart failure or cancer or some other not-quite-right catastrophe.
By Anthony Anthem5 years ago in Families
The Mom Belly Monolog
While trying on a pair of jeans last week, I found myself looking for something with a bit of stretch and support in the tummy region for my constant companion, the mom belly. In the dressing room, I stared it down sadly and asked why it stayed around so long, and in fact, when exactly had it entirely moved in?
By Jessica Spates5 years ago in Families
Fear and Loathing in the School Car Line
We were on the edge of Wheeler Road and Maple Grove, somewhat near St. Cecilia's Catholic School, when the panic began to take hold. Non-school traffic seeping out of each intersection in every direction possible, as if something were crunching their time as it was ours. Impossible! With under two minutes until the final bell, we dodged the interlopers and swooped into the lot. Immediately I knew this would be a hard-won fight, if victory remained a possible outcome at all; the odds were dismal.
By Spillda Radner5 years ago in Families
The Beginning of Our Journey
We've been married for 11 years and I still remember the first date like it was yesterday. I'll never forget the how anxious I was that day. My palms were sweating and I didn't know what to wear. "I really like him, I just hope the date goes well." I thought to myself. First dates are always so nerve-racking. No matter how long you've known a person. I could be 5 minutes, or 5 years; when two people decide to upgrade their friendship and see what it's like to actually be a couple, it's not the same. My husband and I were already friends, and we had been for about a year.
By Megan Miller5 years ago in Families
The Twins
We twins were born at the Mercy Hospital, from the house at 1231 Cotham road in North Balwyn. It was a large old Victorian house situated on the corner of Cotham and Burke Roads in Melbourne. It is now a motel, but it seemed that then the block was so large the locals mistook sometimes mistook it for a small park and met there at night: for whatever nefarious reasons. It seems that when I was about four years of age in this park-like garden, when on the way to the tram stop I picked up a tiny, teeny, little balloon (it seems it was a dear little pre-used balloon made from rubber!) which, when I was found to be trying to blow it up on the tram, caused immense consternation!
By a.a.gallagher5 years ago in Families
10 Surefire Ways to Get Your Kids to Come Running
Children love playing games. Whether playing hide ‘n seek, or engaged in an entertaining round of “chase-me-around-the-kitchen-table- before-you-force-me-to-put-on-pants,” there is little more frustrating than trying to physically locate and/or contain a child in your own home. And, as many parents have learned, it is extremely difficult to apprehend a child that does not want to be caught. Years of experience have shown that the best way to gather children is to play by a different set of rules—you must get the child to come to you. So the next time you need to get ready for church, or the doctor’s office, or even if you’re just checking up after extended periods of suspicious silence, try these surefire tactics to make even the most stubborn child magically appear:
By Jenay Sherman5 years ago in Families
It All Adds Up
Do you have a second? Yeah, it’ll only take a second. Okay. So, the sink handle – come here, I’ll show you – the sink handle moves up and down. Watch. Up. And down. The more you use it, the more it’s going to wear out. I think what has been happening is that it’s being turned on. Like that. Down. And then when it’s pushed back up, it’s being wrenched. Like that. See how it sorta’ flicks back? It’s not made for that.
By Cody Heagy5 years ago in Families
