Letter to My Father

Thank you, Denise E Lindquist for inspiring me with Rupi Kaur:

Rupi Kaur’s Relationship Writing Prompts — If you could go back in time and meet your father a year before you were born, what would you say to him?

Hi Daddy,

We haven't met yet. I know you are working hard to find your place in life. I also know you have many voices in your head that pull you many directions. It's difficult. But, I also know you can set out on a path that will bring you happiness. I believe in your capability.

I know that you and my mother have recently lost a baby prematurely...a little boy. That is why you hoped for me to be a daughter when I would finally show up. You have a name picked out for me already, too. I will be named for the sister you lost when she was seventeen. I know I won't take her place, but know that I will try to bring honor to her name and healing to your heart.

Daddy, what I would encourage you to do is to be strong-hearted and disciplined. I know you've lost your way in college pursuits and you really wanted to follow law. Your father wants you to become an engineer, though. You want to make him proud. But you can do that in your own path. Don't give up on that dream.

Don't be your own worst enemy by self-doubting. I know it's easier to drink a little too much and too often and party a lot...especially when you have so many friends and you have such a fun, delightful personality. And being married adds to the struggle. Thank you for doing what you need to do for my mother. Put her first.

I love seeing the two of you get along and enjoying reading, working crosswords, and having those long talks. She loves you, you know. Please try to understand her and let her know she is important to you.

Please know that you will be a hero in my eyes. All I will need from you is unconditional love and acceptance. I will make mistakes, but please don't believe the worst in me. I won't be my mistakes. You will see. Believe in me like I believe in you, ok?

I won't need the best of everything or all that money can or could buy. I just want your time and trust. You have a lot to teach me and hopefully, I will teach you, too.

You will make mistakes in parenting and being a husband, but I will forgive you. I want you to be happy and feel good about yourself. I hope that we will be able to have honest and deep conversations. I need you.

Don't allow regret to ever overpower our relationship. I love you!

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Wow...this little activity helped me to understand the insecurities and failings that my father had and be more readily forgiving towards him. (Which I wish for this insight to have been much earlier in life.)

My last words to him were, "I don't trust you." I don't regret my feelings or even saying those words, but I do regret not using the time and opportunities I had to make right our misunderstanding before he died. None of us know when the end comes, so please make the effort to always have the last words you say to someone be "I love you."

Is there someone you need to tell those words to in your life? Pride is a foolish thing and the price is regret.