Say No

Say No, 

and I screamed No,

right into my sister's ears,

yet she won my parent's hearts,

And I, the second child,

left and unattended,

broken inside,

The accidental child

**

Say No,

and I yelled No,

at the raised hands of my cousin brother,

yet he got away with no punishments,

for he was god's precious gift, everyone's favourite, a boy,

And I was yelled at for being born, a girl,

left and unattended,

broken inside,

The burdened girl 

**

Say No,

and I did say No,

facing straight into his eyes,

yet he grasped my hands,

pressed my chest and went ahead,

he won something, the manly rage,

And I, the end to believe in love,

left and unattended,

broken inside,

The inappropriate girl

**

Say No,

and I cried No,

to my teacher, who caught me red-handed,

and used the opportunity to build fear,

the respect that every grandparent teaches to grandchildren with pride,

And I lived in fear bowing to every head I was asked to,

left and unattended,

broken inside,

The girl, thrown under the carpet 

Say No,

and I shouted No,

to every stance my dad decided,

the background noise of his sisters and brothers,

the determiners, the strength of the blood showing up,

And I, smiling and crying in front of every proud face,

left and unattended,

broken inside,

The girl, a pawn

Say No,

and I growled No,

right in the midst of a family meeting,

the necessity of the people to sit down and resolve,

Yet the resolved pieces that remained broken inside, 

and the unresolved pieces that sleep beside,

And I, eyed by my mother,

to keep my doors unlatched,

left and unattended,

broken inside,

The girl, suffocated to resolve 

**

Say No, 

and I said No,

speaking up for myself in every ounce of space, 

confronting my husband's opinions and decisions, I felt mine had to be heard as well,

yet the aftermath, the sex, he could easily calm and move on,

and I, stuck in a loop, how am I compromised?

left and unattended,

broken inside,

The woman, suppressed to voice down

**

Say No,

and I voiced No,

at the leverage and the privilege of my husband's family,

to interfere and access every step of my son's life,

the set norms of the society,

favouring and flavouring paternal benefits, 

yet the celebrations continued, 

the mental exhaustion fumed,

and I, the problematic daughter-in-law, who wrote about 'in-laws,'

 left and unattended, 

broken inside,

The woman's constrained life, even at 43

**

The 'No', I confronted,

Sometimes told and asked by others, 

Sometimes I questioned myself about, 

The pain of the labels, 

the arrogant, the rigid,

the impatient, the depressed, 

the stubborn, the inconsiderate,

I, the one to spread the uneasiness around, 

Yet who won? I asked, 

As my eyes still found everyone's smile, 

that grabbed a medal for excellent works, 

lost and unattended, 

broken inside,

The girl who lost her smile,

The woman who stood in silence inside, and cried.

**

The knock on my shoulder,

And I screamed No,

right into the innocent eyes of my curious child,

And he screamed No right into my ears,

my eyes and the floor filled with grime,

And I couldn't hold my tears but smile,

the recognition to listen, 

to sit with him to assure, 

I am right here with all my ears, 

with my whole presence,

and everything around, dropped quietly, 

**

Found and attended,

little moments of joy inside,

The mother I see

**

Illogical and unnecessary it may all sound, 

to create a suffering of my own,

but couldn't deny that I was the wrong one,

and I did say no

**

Today too, the same stands, 

When my heart senses, I don't hesitate to Say No,

But the truth is, the broken narratives - Say No, say it louder and it will be heard.

and those who lectured weren't the ones who listened,

yet don't stop,

Say No, Say it louder,

**

"Who taught you to say No?" My son asked,

And I said," my mom because she knew, there will be instances where, no matter how much we scream, the outside world won't hear."

"How old were you?" my son asked,

"I think I was eight years old!" I said,

"You understood ?" he exclaimed,

"Not much, but somewhere I knew I had to listen," I said,

"So.." my preschooler about to continue,

and I, wrote down the thoughts before it loses its track,

-------The more I said no, the more I agitated the space,

The more the lie of yes, the smoother the process, 

The louder the silence, the smaller the noise,

The wider the smiles, the tighter the anxious connections,

an ideal peacemaker,

Be polite, Be Kind,

the constant drumming from everyone around to raise the child, ----

The last line, I read out loud to him and to myself

"Don't ever let your self-worth fall." 

- Sep 25, 2025