satire

Relationship satire can be cathartic; when love hurts too much, just laugh.

The Mattress
I had just graduated high school. I had just gotten breast implants just before graduation. I was starting college in the fall. I was 18 and damn well old enough. I was in love, you know 18-year old love - but for someone a decade older than me! I thought I was in love. I thought "love" was when you defied your parents. Found THE worst guy my mom could think of (yes, I regret this decision; hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20!). His name was Henri. Yes with an "I" and not a "Y". Long story short I was a naïve 18 year old. But who is truly "mature" by 18 and has it "all together" in life?
By Summer Graham6 years ago in Humans
What's Up With that Finger Anyway?
I have never heard any discussions or theories so since it has been on my mind I am going to just put it out there. Do not ask me why I have questions such as this. It does not really even need an answer. It is just a minuscule view into the randomness that is nearly always in my brain; however, the wee hours of the morning randomness seems to run especially ramped. (say that three times fast =D )
By Sassy Lady Ava G6 years ago in Humans
Unpopular opinion: All men are bastards
Picture the scene: I’m the new kid at work. Whilst I’m yet to hear my name mentioned alongside the word “arsehole” or get an Inbetweeners style “hello my name’s Josh and I’m doing a shit” picture on my back, I know I’m the latest cannon fodder. The only way to survive is with exasperated laughter at my manager’s crap jokes and to keep up this façade at least until I pass my probation. Two weeks in and my now good friend Tara is talking about a guy that she went on a date with that turned out to be a bit of a weirdo. However, despite her squirms of how he kept her there for 3 whole drinks, I’m a bit taken aback when she says, “oh but he’s lovely”. Apparently, I thought that this was my time to make my mark on the team as I quickly interjected with “I’m sorry, but no man is a good man”, to be met with the silence of the entire floor and a burning sensation of eyes in the back of my head worse than a violent bout of chlamydia.
By Josh6 years ago in Humans
Pedestrians Can Be Jerks When Crossing the Street
Sorry, but I have to get this off my chest. I hate it when people walk across the street and take their sweet time doing it. This trend only seems to persist in busy parts of big cities. I know that some of you are probably thinking bad of me, but this trend is too much! Really, these people cross the street all the time and hold up cars just because it's their right to cross the street.
By Bazooka Teaches6 years ago in Humans
Some of the Best Answers That Will Get You Smacked Upside Your Head
There comes a point in a person's life tat their tongue becomes their sword. Some people will walk up to you and try to upset your already fragile day. I should know. I have been through it for what seems like a million times.
By Maurice Bernier6 years ago in Humans
Honey Bee
I love to watch the clouds slowly drift by, they never seem to be in a hurry like the rest of the world. I guess the clouds are calming to me, it's the one thing in life that's constant. You can always look up into the summer skies and see at least one cloud drifting through the large open space. School, work, parents, the little bit of social life I try to have: it all gets too hectic at times. The amount of work I need to put into actually being a human being seems just dread awful. Is it worth it? Of course the easy answer is "Yes! It's worth it! There's so many things to enjoy in life!" But is there really? Yeah, traveling is awesome and so enjoyable but in this day and age is it even right to say it's possible anymore? Who's to say you won't grow up into some dead end job sitting behind a desk all day and still not having any money left over to afford even a weekend visit to the next town over. My God, I hope that doesn't happen to me. Wait, will it happen to me? With the way my life is going so far, it sure would make a lot of sense. What else is supposed to be so amazing about life itself? Hm, romance? Yeah sure, let me fall in love with "prince charming'' and we can totally ride off into the sunset. Honestly, is that what you people fall for? See, in real life you don't get that. In real life you aren't a princess and he's not your prince charming. No one is, he doesn't exist. In real life, the best you can do is find someone to laugh with and have fun with until you drop dead. No one's going to help you in the hallway when you drop all your books and gaze lovingly in your eyes. They're going to walk around you and act like you don't exist. Reality isn't like in the movies. Reality is a terrible truth and nothing in my "reality" ever turns out to happen in my favor. High School isn't glamourous, no one sings and dances their way to class. They push and shove and if you even look at a girls boyfriend, you're a slut and now her and all of her friends hate you and are most likely stalking your Facebook page to learn your weaknesses.
By xx6 years ago in Humans
Discrimination at Christmas
T’is the season to be jolly, spread love and peace to all. But I seem to have stumbled upon a new breed of racist, a new wave of discrimination and I am outraged, outraged I tell you.
By Mark Kennedy6 years ago in Humans
What's on Next
At a table someone, 'A,' is taking apart a clock and trying to put it back together. Another person, 'B,' is sitting on a couch watching television.
By Cody Jones6 years ago in Humans
5 Ways to Train a Wolf
When training a wolf it is important that you reach the status of the alpha. You may not be comfortable with that. But you must get over your fear of being assertive immediately. This is not easy. Do you want to be loved or do you want to be eaten? I know. Tricky question. Please refer to the SELF ESTEEM post that I haven’t written yet.
By Camilla Rantsen7 years ago in Humans
Ten Reasons Why You Need a Straight Pride Parade
Dear Readers, It took me a while to write this. Not sure why; sometimes I blame work. But I thought I would do it before Pride Month ends. As someone who grew up in a divided household, this is targeted to those special individuals that have not felt safe due to being around what they call a social epidemic, The Gay Agenda. I know, not only do they have a whole month to brainwash our children, they also get to be gay for the rest of their lives. Who would have thought being gay was not just a phase? It is becoming the new norm and you, the Straights, feel you need the same rights. Please, refer to this article whenever you feel like explaining your Straight Pride.
By Argenis Ovalles7 years ago in Humans
Geometric Shapes
So, for some reason, I have always found myself in the middle. Quite honestly, once you’re in the middle it feels like there’s no going back. You really can’t find a way to escape from what essentially, you put yourself into. Life sucks that way sometimes. For instance, when you were younger and your friends used to be in a bit of a tiff, and it always ended up with you having to choose a side. Like dude, why would you do that to me? Rude. In my case, I tend to stay neutral. Basically, what I’m trying to say is I completely abort the situation. I run the other direction. No shame. This tactic I have acquired has helped me more times than I wish to admit, but hey at least I got out. When I say “got out,” I mean I let the scenario dissipate in a way. It’s a blessing. So this may all sound a bit confusing. What is she talking about, you might ask. I simply mean the good ole “love triangle.” In my case it has ended up being a love rhombus, hexagon, maybe even an octagon. All of the geometric shapes. And now, the good stuff begins.
By Miyah Henderson7 years ago in Humans
Millennials Next Target
Millennials. Is there nothing these pesky "young adults" won't try to ruin? First, they get married and stay married. Who told them that this was OK? Divorce was invented so that we didn't have to stay with one partner anymore. This is what our forefathers wanted for us. The ability to divorce and to have Donald Trump as President. He says the things that we wish we could like "covfefe." Brilliant. But Millennials don't like him either because they don't like nice things. Now, they have a new target in their sights and plan on destroying an industry that only makes billions of dollars a year: The wedding industry!
By Edward Anderson7 years ago in Humans