Sarcasm
Mountain Dew Shortage Makes Strange Bedfellows
Extreme sports athletes and hard core methamphetamine addicts came together this week to issue a statement demanding an immediate increase in the nations Mountain Dew supply. The two groups, who rarely see eye to eye given their wildly disparate socioeconomic backgrounds, lifestyles, and overall health status, put aside their longstanding and very significant differences to deliver the plea in writing to Mountain Dew brand owner PepsiCo. Thirty year meth addict Ted Stephens said of the historic document “While I might think these extreme sports dicklicks are a bunch of a-holes and punk ass bitches, at least they have the right taste in soda. After a five day meth binge I need to come down some before I can even think of getting any shut-eye and there aint nothing to bring me down like an ice cold Mountain Dew. Something about that massive dose of caffeine and sugar all wrapped up in that sickly sweet green carbonated goodness just hits the right spot for me. I can’t get enough of the shit, hell, I’d brush my teeth with it, if I had any left. PepsiCo better get their asses in gear and start cranking out some fuckin Dew, sons a bitches.” Extreme skiing legend Tony Montigo made the following statement. “Dude, there is nothing more radical than dropping in on a 60 degree slope from a helicopter at 12000 feet, except for Mountain Dew. The shit is the bomb. And dope is wack dude, get off the shit fuckin meth, freaks.” As of last reports Mr. Stephens was still on the shit. PepsiCo spokesmen Hal Rivens responded to the two groups saying “We understand and have heard the concerns of our two most longstanding and loyal customer segments. While supplies are tight due to shipping delays associated with the recent Covid-19 pandemic, rest assured Mountain Dew is still on store shelves nationwide and will continue to be available. To prove we our serious, we have prioritized Dew shipments over Dasani water and other so called “pussy” drinks for the foreseeable future. At PepsiCo we view serving the meth addict and extreme sports athlete population as part of our core mission, and we will not falter in that mission.”
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
"The Perils of Procrastination: A Comedic Exploration of Delayed Responsibilities"
We've all been there. It's a bright, sunny day, and you've got a mountain of tasks to tackle. Your to-do list stares at you like a judgmental owl, silently accusing you of being the ultimate procrastinator. But fear not, fellow procrastinators, for in the world of delayed responsibilities, there is humor to be found!
By Ink Mystic2 years ago in Humor
Godly Soothing Relationship
In the quiet town of Graceville, nestled amid rolling hills and fields of golden wheat, a small community thrived. It was here that Sarah Marshall, a devout and kind-hearted young woman, dedicated her life to her faith and her family. Widowed at a young age, she found solace in her unwavering belief in God's plan.
By Joseph Bawaijen Godwin2 years ago in Humor
The Great Adventure of Grocery Shopping: Navigating Aisle Ninjas and Cart Obstacles
In the busy world of everyday life, there is an epic trip that tests your courage, intelligence, and patience: going grocery shopping. Brave shoppers go into the maze-like aisles with nothing but their buying lists and the will to win. They face challenges like deciphering nutritional hieroglyphs and avoiding close encounters with other shoppers.
By Stephen Ochieng2 years ago in Humor
My Big Fat Greek Funeral: The Prelude
My father-in-law was itching to go back to Greece. He had booked his airline ticket in advance. He enthusiastically prepaid all his credit cards and utility bills and packed his carry-on suitcase. He bragged that he traveled light, and checking in luggage only slowed him down. He started carrying his pen and his passport in his breast pocket. The only thing holding him back was the days to departure. He still had two weeks left.
By Zante Cafe2 years ago in Humor
My Big Fat Greek Funeral: Part I
In the beginning of the end, there was a lot of hope. Pappou was rushed to the hospital on a cold January morning. For my superstitious audience, it was Friday the 13th. The nurses, doctors, and hospital staff did their best to keep Pappou Yianni with us. From every face, we felt compassion and kindness for what we were going through. All our family and friends came to visit, which gave us strength. We did not feel alone; we felt their compassion through their hugs and encouragement to pray for a miracle. Alas, Pappou Yianni passed away a few days after arriving at the hospital. Our dear friend, Demetrios, described what friends do in life, "…they are there for us to share the joy at weddings and bear the burden at funerals."
By Zante Cafe2 years ago in Humor
The Only Thing We Have to Meme are Memes Themselves. Top Story - August 2023.
I've been away for a while. In the past, I have authored a lot of short stories here, especially horror and sci-fi. I also write poetry. I have an FYI series entitled Top 10 Prophets, 👁👁 Prognosticators, & Visionaries. And last year, I compiled a slew of various memes, developing a kind of comedy series, long before Vocal created this glorious Humor Community.
By Lightning Bolt ⚡2 years ago in Humor
When Silence Speaks Louder
In the picturesque neighborhood where Purity had recently settled, every home seemed to be a haven of beauty and charm. These well-adorned residences were inhabited by equally stunning women who graced the streets with their elegance. Yet, amidst this enclave of loveliness, there was one woman who stood out; Rachel, the talkative tornado.
By Judith Okech2 years ago in Humor
