11 Things That Happen When You're Tall

Being six-feet tall for most my life has come with its own set of challenges. After years of adolescent mockery and actively avoiding high heels, I’ve come to embrace and celebrate all 72 inches of me. But the road here was arduous and seemingly endless. So, my vertically-challenged friends, what is it like being the tall girl? I’m so glad you asked:

1. Trying to find clothes that fit right is a near impossible task, made even more difficult by stores going out of business. I’m looking at you, Payless. Even when you succeed in the unrealistic and find a brand that runs long or, by the grace of the gods, actually makes “talls” they don’t sell them in stores. You’re subjected to the horrors of online shopping and praying that you’ve mastered the art of guess and check. Oh and those “tall” sizes? They’re never the same length. Because women’s clothing lines can’t get their shit together and measure length in inches like any sane company.

2. Keeping on that clothing thread, I have yet to find the perfect pair of pants. The pair that hugs my curves without letting that muffin top spill over. The kind that are just long enough to brush the floor and barely ride up when you sit down. The ones that will make people say “damn, I love to watch her leave” as I saunter away. Sigh.

3. As much as I love plaid, I look like I’ve misplaced my axe when sporting flannel. I do it anyway but the lesbian vibe is real.

4. Forget wearing cute winter gloves because your fingers are too long for women’s wear. Shuffle on over to the men’s section to ensure that you still have all your phalanges after that first Nor’easter.

5. Circling back to the worst news of 2019 (and bear in mind my divorced was finalized this year), fucking Payless. 95% of my footwear came from this godsend of a store. Not only did they carry size 11 for women, THEY ALSO CARRIED WIDES. And heels. And at affordable prices for the typical 31-year-old drowning in debt from trying to live. RIP.

6. You’re hit with the same questions and comments just about every time you leave the house:

“How tall ARE you?”

“Do you play basketball?”

“Are your parents tall?”

“Can you reach this for me?”

“Why are you wearing heels?”

“Wow! You’re tall!”

For the record: 6ft, once upon a time, yes, probably, because I fucking want to, yes, I know.

7. Dating was always an interesting task. To this day my response to women under 5’5 who “only date tall guys” is “honey, stay in your lane.” Height really never bothered me, to be honest. Men however, don’t share this sentiment. The general majority have this debilitating masculinity issue with dating a taller woman or worse, view us as conquests to be climbed.

8. Along those dating lines, with great heigh comes great feet size. Apparently, if you’re into feet in a fetish kind of way, that’s a turn on. I wouldn’t dream of kink shaming but that’s more of a third date conversation, not an opener.

9. When looking at potential living spaces, the first thing I do is head straight for the bathroom and jump in the shower. For you average-sized folks that might seem a bit weird, but so is trying to shower when the showerhead rests between your shoulder blades. And forget renting a basement apartment because the amount of concussions from light fixtures would be astronomical.

10. I know buying a car is a research project on its own but when you add in the need to extra legroom, it takes your investigations to a whole new level. I ended up with an extended cab Ford Ranger because I needed the extra room to adjust the seat back.

11. Back in a pre-covid world when you could hang out with your squad maskless and comfortable, pictures were inevitable. As the longest being in the group, contortion has basically become a hobby. Oh, and if we’re taking a selfie, these arms are built in selfie sticks.

Sure, there are countless other examples of how we tall people have to alter our daily lives simply because we take up more space, but damn is it worth it.

If you found this at all entertaining, please consider donating a tip to fund my ongoing search for the perfect pair of pants .