Is It Really So Hard to Age Gracefully?

I’m in my late forties, and my hair has started to grey. Women my age would understand that just one glance in the mirror can trigger a flood of thoughts about aging and self-acceptance.

Recently, however, it wasn’t my reflection that prompted these thoughts, but the recurring picture of a Hollywood celebrity. Her appearance shocked me into a deep and meaningful self-reflection on aging.

I don’t want to name her. I have no intention of drawing more attention to her face. I enjoyed her movies, but I was never a big fan. For unknown reasons, though, posts of her recent public appearances keep showing up in my social media feed, and every time, her nearly unrecognizable face sends shockwaves through me.

Most people have left comments like, “What did she do to her face?” Her new look, while free of deep wrinkles, seems at least 50% different from her younger days. How can anyone not be curious about such a transformation?

When I say her face looks “different,” I’m referring to basic features like the shapes of her eyes and nose. Celebrities may not be able to buy everything their heart desires, but with their wealth, they should be able to afford the best cosmetic surgeons in California, right? While we know celebrities often shine in front of the camera only, seeing one with a botched procedure and an almost alien appearance is a harsh reality check.

Is it shameful to let ourselves age naturally? And if we think so, why? Every woman grapples with these questions in her own way, and at some point, I believe we all feel exhausted trying to hold on to a youthful appearance that no longer belongs to us.

After seeing the celebrity’s pictures, I learned one important life lesson: it’s time to say a nice goodbye to my youthful looks.

I once wrote an article about the insights I gained after watching Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix. I vividly remember an episode in which a woman had left her late husband’s clothing and other belongings untouched for months. With Marie’s advice, she finally found the strength to move on.

Saying goodbye is hard. It’s true of a deceased partner’s belongings, and it’s even harder when it comes to our old identity. That’s why it’s okay to cry about it, or to write about it, as I’m doing now. We must learn to acknowledge the emotional impact of our aging appearance and create mental space to manage the stress, frustration, and, most of all, the loneliness.

Yes, saying goodbye to our youthful appearance is a lonely process. It’s a personal journey that no one else can truly share. It stirs up our deepest values and identity, and the emotional weight leaves us feeling vulnerable. It’s in moments of loneliness and weakness that we’re most susceptible to making unsound decisions. If we’re not careful, our vanity can easily mislead us into impulsive choices.

When I was younger, I kept a photo journal of items that held special meaning to me — like my first pair of boots or the socks I wore during a trip to France. Even though all those items have long since been discarded, the memories they carried remain.

I also keep a diary and find journaling very therapeutic. Looking back at my words and observing how I’ve matured is both interesting and inspiring. It helps me come to terms with the fact that my physical body is aging, knowing my inner self continues to evolve toward greater maturity.

Looking ahead, I hope that embracing the aging process will reflect a new kind of beauty, one that radiates more than youthful skin ever could.

If interested, check out the poem I wrote inspired by my grey hair here.

This story was first published here.