satire
Politicians provide us with all of the comedy gold. We're only mere curators.
30 Curious and Obscure Words, Phrases, & Insults (Which Are Totally Not All About One Specific Tremendously Stable Genius). Top Story - January 2018.
Lexicography is a wonderful thing. The study of words and language, the strange and fascinating ways in which these words came to be, and how they have linguistically evolved over time, is a subject ripe for intellectual curiosity.
By Jack Anderson Keane8 years ago in The Swamp
Invasion of the Gays
For thousands of years, The Heterosexuals have roamed the earth, living together in harmony, but the peace quickly came to an end when the 21st century rolled around. A never-before-seen species began to sprout like weeds among them; The Homosexuals, more commonly known as "The Gays." Although both sides swim in the same pool of genetic makeup—Homo Sapiens—The Gays are still an obvious danger to the rest of mankind.
By Jaime Stamp8 years ago in The Swamp
Best Trump GIFs of 2017
Politics aside for a second: Donald Trump has terrible posture and even worse body language. His suits don't fit. His ties are too long. His eating habits are awful. This has led to some incredibly awkward and clunky interactions, and if we table some of his cruel and divisive policy proposals for a bit, these moments are pretty funny.
By Joseph Farley8 years ago in The Swamp
'Beauty And The Beast's' Dan Stevens Spot On With Donald Trump Comparison!
They say that life imitates art, and in turn #Disney imitates life. Angry villagers, long unmanageable hair, and a house full of women that are objects — anyone would be forgiven for thinking that the upcoming live-action reimagining of #BeautyAndTheBeast is actually a meta take on the tale of Donald and Melania's road to the White House. We can just imagine the pair twirling around the Oval Office to their Disney soundtrack cassette, or singing "Be Our Guest" at one of the many White House parties. So, is Donald Trump the real Belle-end of Beauty and the Beast?
By Tom Chapman8 years ago in The Swamp
Newsflash: Bear in Red Hat Jailed in Marmalade Trafficking Scandal!
As the Brown family watched the evening news, they decided that the snooty news presenter seemed far too condescending... "Mr. P Bear of 32 Windsor Gardens, London has been taken into custody today amidst Marmalade Trafficking allegations. His adoptive parents, Mr. and Mrs. Brown fear their furry child may be extradited... Foreign Affairs Minister Boris Buttwaffle was unavailable for comment but issued a statement denying any Government knowledg about the Sandwich Incidents at the popular gap year destination, Macchu Piccu..."
By Rosalyn Grams8 years ago in The Swamp
Disaster Unpreparedness is One of Vesampucceri's Strengths
By MARA VERHEYDEN-HILLIARD, Alternate Reality News Service Disasters Writer A month after Orville (the tropical storm that had mutated into a Hurricane — and not in a superhero kind of way, either — not the TV series or popcorn tycoon Redenbacher) landed, 93% of Puerto Rico has no clean water, 77% has no electricity and 81% have no idea where their towel is. Which leads to the non-musical (because why should musical questions be the only ones that are recognized for their aural qualities?) Question: what the ferk is Puerto Rico?
By Ira Nayman8 years ago in The Swamp
A Handmaid's Tale. Told By an Idiot
by FREDERICA VON McTOAST-HYPHEN, Alternate Reality News Service People Writer Bettina-Louise Crokinolemisses was born to chaperone. She wears the uniform of the life-long chaperone: demure daisy print dress, granny glasses that make her look like an owl that stuck its face in bowl of Gatorade powder and hair in a bun so severe that people for miles around feel vaguely guilty even though they have no idea why. On her left shoulder is a tattoo of rose thorns emblazoned with the words, “Oh no you don’t!” And, cats. Many, many cats.
By Ira Nayman8 years ago in The Swamp
The Five Minute Presidential Manager
by FREDERICA VON McTOAST-HYPHEN, Alternate Reality News Service People Writer There has been a lot of speculation of late (sorry — traffic was a bitch) over whether President Ronald McDruhitmumpf reads. You would think, given the myriad (more than a quisling, less than a Riesling) problems with the McDruhitmumpf administration, journalists would have more important matters on which to speculate on (take that grammar purists!). Maybe they watched one too many Reading is *F*A*B* after-school specials when they were young, and the idea of illiteracy haunts their every in-between waking and sleeping moment (like Freddy Kruegerrandover, only without his snappy fashion sense).
By Ira Nayman8 years ago in The Swamp
How Many Corners Do You Have to Turn to Get Back To Where You Started?
by FRANCIS GRECOROMACOLLUDEN, Alternate Reality News Service National Politics Writer In a speech to veterans of political turf wars last week, President Ronald McDruhitmumpf didn’t drool for an entire 13 minutes. Supporters of his administration pointed to this performance as proof that McDruhitmumpf was growing into the role of leader of the country and master of his domain.
By Ira Nayman8 years ago in The Swamp
Give a Knee, Support the Cause
by ALEXANDER BIGGS-TUFTS-MANN, Alternate Reality News Service Sports Writer When one white police officer kills an unarmed black man, it can be an isolated incident. When three white police officers kill unarmed black men, it can be an unfortunate series of events. When over a dozen white police officers kill unarmed black men, it can start to look like a system. What can anybody do about a system?
By Ira Nayman8 years ago in The Swamp
