Humor

"Camouflage" (Roman Version)
So, like most parties, in this campaign, we were not in a modern setting. We were in a D&D 5e Fantasy version of the Roman Empire, circa 600AD. Also like most parties, we ended up making a decent number of references to more modern entertainment. The first time that I did it actually even made it into the campaign as something Bastian ended up singing one night - not so much to the party, but more to himself while he was bored. Lead to some interesting interactions. That'll come later as I go through his journal entries.
By Bastian Falkenrath3 years ago in Fiction
Sad-Ass Sandwich
“Bread’s not toasted, no lettuce or greenery of any type…” Chris pauses for dramatic effect. “...that’s a sad-ass sandwich.”
By Stephen Kramer Avitabile3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 31
The big electric ball was shot in our direction . We all instantly dived to the side of the cave and the electricity hit the sleeping Monster ! You could see small sparks emanating from the attack around the monsters body for a few seconds . A little smoke even came up off of the huge body . We all just stared at him shocked at what the insect warriors just did . I even thought to myself , I'm glad that didn't hit us . For a moment though , he didn’t budge . Then suddenly he got up and started roaring extremely loud . RAAAAAWWRRR! We didn’t stick around , we all instinctively took off . If that thing gets to one of us , especially in these close quarters . We couldn't guarantee anyones safety .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
The Dragon and the Tot
With a chill in the air and leaves swirling, it was the beginning of Fall. Dew covered the forest floor. Off in the distance was a faint whine. My ears perked up, and I squinted to see better. I am an older dragon, you know, and my senses aren't what they used to be. I laid my giant head back down and chose to ignore the noise. My eyes started to close as I dozed into slumber, but the whining grew louder. Annoyed and frustrated, I rose up from my cozy bed of leaves. I was used to getting my 30 plus years of sleep and without it, I get cranky. I stuck out my neck and squinted again to see what this disturbance was all about. There was nothing there. Nothing but the misty fog and cold, still forest. The noise had seized and all was quiet.
By Shanon Canuto3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 30
We walked down the large path with no signs of seeing anything for 20 minutes. Then that’s when I saw it. It had to be about 20 feet tall . I was estimating because it seemed to be laying down . It was also covered in what seemed like long black fur . Being right in front of it we could tell . This was the monster that was making all of those sounds . It was only sleeping at the moment . In fact the sound was of it snoring .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Twisted Tales for Toilet Time: Volume II, Part IV
Four AM Once Upon an Hour of Time… It was 4 AM. The last rays of moonlight were shining down on a small pond. Inside the pond was Melvin the Frog, he couldn’t wait for the cold winter night to be over. He had made the mistake of going for a nighttime swim in the pond when the night temperature dropped below freezing. He got stuck halfway out of the frozen pond, waiting for it to thaw in the morning sun. As he sat and waited, he thought how lucky it was he could be frozen, and then thaw out, unlike the small rabbit next to him. Its legs sticking out of the frozen water, lifeless.
By Savannah K. Wilson3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 29
We marched quickly through the plains in perfect formation . As we headed towards the Sapphire Cave we saw 15 dino birds flying over us . They started circling us while flying and then they dropped rocks at us . Visceroy summoned his staff . Stood it up tall and then had it enlarge to the size of large tower ! I noticed that he could activate his magic without vocal words . It killed all but 3 of them , and also blocked the rocks . Then when the last 3 tried to retreat bullseye took them out with his double mark arrow combo . He marked two of them . Using his index finger to send a laser seal on them . After hitting the third with his bow and arrow he sent his marked arrow through the remaining sealed dino birds yelling “Match!” You could see small insect warriors plummeting to the ground, along with the dino vultures they were riding.
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 28
I went back to my branch nest so that could go over my things . After consideration , I decided to go clean my metal tools in the pond . I figured Bulls Eye was going to ask me to use them again , but I wanted to clean them just because . While I was cleaning them a hammer fish flew out and scared me . ( It looks like a hammer shark but its a small fish with a hammer shaped head.) I laughed to myself . I was really scared , I thought it was the insect guys . I finished cleaning up and headed back to camp .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 27
I woke up well rested and yawning . I waited for the fogginess in my head to clear . Before I tried to make sense of the world . Right after I calibrated my mind , I decided to check on the others . I scanned their branches and saw that 3 people were up other than me . Rose , Visceroy and John were still asleep . The bats nested in the highest trees , because of their ability to fly . I decided to climb to Illdred , since he was at the highest post . I figured if someone had seen anything important , then it was probably him .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 26
We decided to gather water , fire , wood , and hunt some small animals before night fell . I also convinced everyone to camp in the same area that we camped at last time . This time while going through the forest we didn’t run into any enemies or traps . Some of the reinforcements that swarmed on us must’ve came from here . By the time night came we had already came up with a new plan . With the extra members and the extra time . I felt this conquest was going to be fool proof . We also had 7 people to rotate scout duty with . Which made me feel more confident that we’ll be well rested .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 25
Thats when I saw a bat guy holding a dog soldier while flying . They were both about 6 feet tall , the bat guy was wearing dark light armor and the dog had on fancy armor . They both landed by us and I instantly recognized that the dog soldier was the second guard in charge of the chief ! He started to talk to us , “ I’m the 2nd rank for the royal guard , my name is Visceroy ( viss - roy ). We got your message and I volunteered to take the job of back up . I also enlisted one of our Bat soldiers that I trust with my life . His name is Illdred ( ill - drid). Another bat warrior Wade who is a veteran also carried out one of our brightest young medics , Rose . “
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 24
My vision was incredibly blurry , I was also sweating profusely . My whole entire body and face was swollen . I even tried to move , but my body was tied all the way up . Between the poison and the ropes, I was completely restricted . My heart started racing . I had to calm down and access the situation . After calming myself down , my vision started to clear up a little . After a few moments I could see my friends tied up , and in the same situation as me . John was in a similar daze while Bulls Eye wasn’t even moving an inch !
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction