TACO Calling PACO - 9
Talking formerly royal arrest
This conversation happened on February 19, 2026, after formerly prince Andrew was arrested in the UK.
"Vlad, Vlad, Vlad!" [panicked]
"Yes, Donnie, what's the panic?"
"Prince Andrew got arrested! Can you imagine? They finally got to him! They arrested him on his own birthday! He is turning 66 today. Can you imagine, arrested on his own birthday?"
"So? Why are you panicking, it's not you they arrested, Donnie."
"No, but do you know what they arrested him for?"
"Misconduct in public office, as they reported on the news."
"Yes, but it is connected to Jeffrey. Allegedly, Andrew shared some state secrets with Jeffrey!"
"Again, why are YOU panicking?"
"Because if they find out where those secrets went and who Jeffrey shared them with, both you and I will be in trouble. In so much trouble, Vlad! I am already hardly keeping this Epstein business under the lid! If they connect state secrets to you and me, I'm toast! That's treason, Vlad, a lot more serious than pedophilia."
"Jeffrey's dead, Donnie, he can't talk. Andrew is not going to talk either, because he won't want to bury himself. He'll just deny everything. Or play dumb."
"But do you remember how this whole thing started? Epstein blew up because Andrew decided to sit down for that wretched BBC interview! Back then, remember, and said what he was not supposed to say. He is a good guy, Vlad, I like him, but he is a coward with a leaky mouth."
"So, what do you want me to do?"
"I don't know, Vlad. I honestly don't know. Obviously, it won't affect you because you are in Russia, well protected. So well protected in your bunker! By the way, which bunker are you at now? Can we switch to video?"
"Don't get carried away, Donnie. You were saying?"
"I was saying that I don't feel safe. What if they come to arrest me?"
"Who? Your FBI? Or Washington police? Your DOJ? Who would arrest a sitting president? You've got immunity from your Supreme Court, Donnie!"
"Did I?"
"Of course you did, don't you remember? No one can arrest you because it will interfere with carrying out your presidential duties."
"Oh, yes, now I remember. That was a big win for me."
"Yes, it was, Donnie, so I wouldn't worry about the arrest if I were you."
"What if they decide to impeach me, Vlad? I'm still not immune to impeachment."
"Again, who will impeach you now? Your House or your Senate? As long as Republicans are in control no one will impeach you."
"But what if the dems take control after the midterms?"
"We'll think about it then, Donnie. It's months away. For now, you are safe."
"Not really. I'm already losing support of some GOP Congressmen. What if this Andrew scandal blows up big, so big, Vlad, that they turn on me and join the dems to impeach me right now?"
"What is the likelihood of that, Donnie?"
"I honestly don't know. And I don't want to find out. How can we make sure Andrew doesn't sing?"
"I have some tried and true methods."
"Will they work in a British prison?"
"Of course. They will work anywhere, Donnie. Prisons are guarded by people and people love money. Anyone can be bought at the right price. Just say the word, Donnie, and I will take care of it."
"I don't know, Vlad. Wouldn't it look suspicious?"
"It won't if we make it look like suicide."
"Maybe you are right, Vlad. Andrew screwed up so badly that even King Charles doesn't want to interfere and help him. Can you imagine, Charles said the law must take its course or something like that. When your own brother turns his back on you, it can make you suicidal, I guess."
"So, do you want me to do it then?"
"Let's sit on it, Vlad. But I'm already feeling better after talking to you. I need to go to the Board of Peace meeting now, but let's talk again, OK?"
"OK, Donnie, good luck with your Board of Peace." [chuckles] "Bye!"
"Bye, Vlad." After hanging up, "What's so funny about my Board of Peace?"
About the Creator
Lana V Lynx
Avid reader and occasional writer of satire and short fiction. For my own sanity and security, I write under a pen name. My books: Moscow Calling - 2017 and President & Psychiatrist
@lanalynx.bsky.social
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Comments (4)
The house of cards is falling. Yep you nailed it; this could be a real conversation with that real threat!!
Oh wow, I didn't know that Prince Andrew has been arrested! I know that his is one of the names that appeared in the Epstein files. I also didn't know that Trump cannot be arrested while he is still president. But can't they like have an interim president step in or something?
Oh dear it’s all happening. Great episode and well done for the rapid delivery
I’ve come to really enjoy and look forward to the political stories you write. The satire feels so true to life, and that makes the criticisms laser accurate. Your last line in this case is also pretty clever. Says so much without saying it directly, the board of peace thing is an absolute farce. I honestly wonder if trump is just delusional in thinking it’s a point of pride or whether it’s deliberate and willful bullshit. Does he believe he’s a hero? Or does he know he’s scum and utterly lack any sort of conscience around his conscious evil. I tend to think it’s willful, or atleast it started as willful evil, and that maybe now some degree of senility has convinced him to buy into his own con.