satire
Health and Wellness satire, comedy, and all things satirical in the Longevity digital space.
Losing Weight 1st Steps
We discussed the importance of exercise in my last weight-loss piece. Without it, don't even think about starting a weight-loss program! But what kind of exercise should you do? Here I have a list of helpful tips and hints to help you get the most out of your exercise (and weight-loss) efforts. Let's get this party started!
By The Blacksheepkid Collective by: El Pablo 1x4 years ago in Longevity
To the Women Whom I Give Free Fitness and Health Advice
Author's preface. This piece is a satirical work of fiction based entirely upon an original story entitled "To the Men Giving Me Fitness and Health Advice" by Taru Annina Liikanen and published here on Vocal.media. It can be found here. As I read that story I began to wonder in my head what the men whom Miss Liikanen was writing about are actually thinking as they annoy, pester, bother, and otherwise make uncomfortable various women at gyms across the country and around the world. This post attempts to get inside the mind of that man and the result is something both disturbing and hilarious in equal measure.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Longevity
How to Become a Habitual Smoker
This is the year. It’s finally going to stick. You walk into the kitchen. Your spouse sits at the table, drinking coffee. Steam rises from the cup. “Hey… can we talk?” you ask nervously. “Sure. What’s up?” she replies. “Look. I know I’ve tried in the past. I know I’ve come up empty. But I’m determined to make it work. And I want your support,” you say. “Ugh… not this again,” she says, throwing her hands up.
By Corey Fradin5 years ago in Longevity
8 Ways to Spice Up Your Insomnia
We all suffer from the occasional sleepless night. Perhaps we’re excited about an event; maybe we’re worried about what our boss is going to say in that upcoming meeting, or it could be that we’re too busy combing through everything we should have said in a recent argument to get some shut-eye. But have you ever failed to fall asleep at all; every tiny sound only further fuelling the fire of adrenaline that you have raging inside your dumb anxious self? Or skated by for four days straight on just a couple hours of snoozing before the rest of the world rudely announced that it was time to wake up? I know I have!
By Outrageous Optimism 5 years ago in Longevity
THE 5 BEST AREAS OF YOUR HOUSE TO HAVE A MELTDOWN
A study conducted by The Harvard School of Public Health (2013), suggests that bottling up emotions increases your risk of premature death by more than 30%. Putting on a brave face when you’re down may seem like the mature thing to do, but you can’t hide your feelings forever. Because, let’s face it, 2020 was an absolutely garbage year. We’re locked in our houses during a terrifying world-wide pandemic, and no one knows when the madness will end. Therefore, if there's ever going to be a perfect time to have a full-blown adult tantrum it’s right now. Without further ado, here are the 5 best areas of the house to lose your sh*t!
By Keely Gilmour5 years ago in Longevity
Tips for Staying Safe This Lick-A-Doorknob Day
As we all know, International Lick-A-Doorknob Day is right around the corner, and while I’m certain our fellow revelers abroad will take as many precautions as possible, here in the United States, I am not so certain of our ability to control ourselves. In the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic, our fellow Americans still traveled in record numbers to go be with loved ones for Thanksgiving and Halloween, and I fear more still will be traveling to go lick doorknobs with their friends and family across the country this December 11 when we all converge upon doorknobs and lick them. I would like to share a few tips and tricks for staying safe this Lick-A-Doorknob season, so we can all stay healthy in time for a Covid-19 vaccine early next year.
By Steven Christopher McKnight5 years ago in Longevity
The Last Bath
Baths are a strange contraption, I mean, you literally sit in a small collection of water that is slowly but surely getting dirtier by the second. The trouble with them is that the hassle begins way before you even step foot inside the tub. It starts way back at the stressful, anxiety-inducing precision of the ratio of hot and cold water you must strike. If you have a functioning bath that actually provides a medium temperature then read on because this part is for the muggles amongst us that only have two options when it comes to the temperature of the water coming out of the tap: boiling or frozen. What I usually do whenever I decide to indulge myself in one of these completely inconvenient traps of the bathing world is fill the first half with blisteringly hot water and then top it off with basically frozen tap water until my foot doesn’t get scolded when it dares to submerge itself below its depths. I usually add dead sea salts or something to the water to add a bit of luxury to proceedings.
By Patrick O'Brien6 years ago in Longevity
