The Significance of Remaining Solo.
The Academy of Real-World Learning
The Significance of Remaining Solo
A positive outlook on being single is one of the most crucial prerequisites for a successful relationship. The more content we are with being alone, the easier it will be to proceed with care when looking for a new friend. The foundation of true love is contented singleness. Unfortunately, our societies don't offer much to support our ability to feel at ease or peaceful in our own company. The idea of singleness is presented as an unavoidable, unpleasant, and always ideally transient state. A world built by hordes of silently unhappy couples seeking assurance that they are on the right track terrifies the idea that someone could need or desire to be alone, possibly for a long time.
Advertisers can't get enough of showcasing endearing pictures of blissful couples strolling hand in hand on beaches to reinforce the idea of what single people are missing, and most entertainment venues, vacation spots, and social gatherings feel compelled to patronize, overcharge, and otherwise demean anyone who has the impudence to venture out alone. Unfortunately, being unpleasant while single fatally clouds our judgment towards potential romantic partners.
We are as likely, in emotional desperation, to run into the closest nightclub in search of a chump we'll be horrified to discover alongside us in the morning. We soon come to understand that being in an unhappy relationship is unquestionably worse than being alone—indeed, it is far more lonely. The main difficulty of being alone is overcoming the dread of what being alone means: influential notion) The condition feels to us at every given time; it can either be a respite from an honorably busy existence or certain proof that we are an unwelcome, miserable, filthy, and emotionally ill human.
This is difficult but ultimately quite encouraging since it implies that we might possibly tolerate extended periods of solitude if we could only figure out what being alone means to us. We might practice a couple of the following reasons to create a new mental picture of what being alone should actually imply. Despite what a critical voice in our heads could assert, we have the power to decide whether or not to be by ourselves. Our seclusion is chosen, not forced. As long as they don't care who they are with, nobody ever has to be alone.
However, we are aware that the wrong company makes us feel much more alone than being by ourselves; in other words, it is further away from the things that matter to us, more grating in its insincerity, and more of a reminder of distance and misunderstanding than the conversation we can have in the solitude of our own minds. Being alone doesn't necessarily mean that the world has rejected us; rather, it indicates that we have carefully considered our options and, with wisdom, have rejected some of them. The fact that we need to be aware of how long it will take to find someone given how picky we are is another important idea.
Not just anyone will do, though. Finding the ideal applicant won't be any harder than finding a fantastic career or a lovely home. It could take a long time—possibly even years. Expectations are crucial. Six months will fly by if we assume a reasonable time period of ten years. Knowing that we could, and can, manage just fine on our own is the best assurance there is for a happy relationship. It implies that we won't search for someone to help us with the washing or keep us company on Sunday nights but rather someone who can significantly enrich our lives. This gives us the power to leave problematic unions as soon as we ought to.
Being in a relationship cannot and should not mean that we are totally dependent on each other to meet our needs at home, manage our daily lives, or maintain our self-worth. When we have extensive experience surviving alone, we will be better equipped to deal with the inevitable moments when even a really nice spouse is unable to support us. We will also be less demanding, more competent, and forensic in our demands of a partner. It turns out that the main factor determining how likely it is for us to find and maintain a connection with another person is our willingness to remain independent. The necessary, safe platform from which to choose somebody to build a joint life with is being at ease with being single.
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